60 DAYS UNTIL I TURN 40

Yep. Exactly.

I made a reel back in January, when I had nine months to go with all the grand plans I was going to do before I ticked over into a new decade. I promised myself I would cut out the Haribo, drink less coffee – neither of which i did, although I did stick to taking a daily probiotic and religiously wearing SPF50.

To be honest, I’ve never been bothered by the figure, and I’m still not. What concerns me more is the passing of time. I still feel about 30. How am I almost 40?! Do the new mums at the school gates think I’m ancient?! How did I become an almost-40 year old with a 9 and a 6 year old. I think it might kill me more when I have a 10 year old tbh. You guys have been here through all of it. Since Leo was 10 months old. Sorry, do you feel old now?!

So, 40. With two months to go am I where I want to be?

I thought 40 would be “Peak Me” – an age where I was going to feel really grown-up and settled and confident. I’m not sure I’m there yet (maybe in 8 weeks) but I guess 40 is the juncture where you let go of self-imposed limitations and embrace the liberating notion that your life is yours. You have to enjoy it. You worry less about what others think of you. You learn to say no and you start to do what you want and what works for you and your family. Social media gives you a window into other people’s achievements, but what I am realising going into this new decade, is no matter how grown up the number seems, 40 year olds don’t have their sh*t together. Life isn’t insta perfect. My kids don’t always listen to me or go to bed on time. My house isn’t immaculate and there are always piles of shoes that I trip over by the front door. My fridge empties as fast as I can fill it, I don’t always cook dinner in the evenings (cereal or toast at least once a week) and I’m never on top of the laundry. I wing it, constantly. I find my brain mulling over all sorts of things when I’m driving; worrying about my parents’ health, Nicks health, my kids health is something that comes into my head a lot. But I’m lucky. We’re ok.

The last 10 years, you guys have given Gemma and I the freedom to do what we love. To create content we love, on our own terms. So I have to thank you for that, and for all of the amazing opportunities that come our way. This hasn’t turned out to be the post I thought it was. It’s more of a mad ramble of thoughts, but I think thats alright. We’re all trying to work stuff out in our heads, about how we feel about things. Come back to me in 60 days. Maybe I’ll have it figured out.